


sacrilege

by stuciel



Category: Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Drabbles, Falling In Love, Fluff, Heartbreak, M/M, Multi, Random - Freeform, Slow Romance, ciel phantomhive - Freeform, prompts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-18
Updated: 2021-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:13:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,813
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27618194
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stuciel/pseuds/stuciel
Summary: sac·ri·lege/ˈsakrəlij/violation or misuse of what is regarded as sacred.—venting + ideasmainly short stories i write when i want to pass time when i am sad
Relationships: Ciel Phantomhive & Original Character(s)
Kudos: 1





	1. moonshine

**Author's Note:**

> wrote this out of major nostalgia, everything feels odd.

“There is beauty in the lie, spoken like a bittersweet goodbye  
Still that brilliant light is beyond my reach

Maybe I belong here – beneath the light of the moon”

he sat atop the rooftop, his legs dangling amongst the edge. goosebumps ever so slightly appearing upon his skin. 

“do you think the moon gives us power?” he mumbles softly, stretching a hand towards the now full moon, as if power would magically surge throughout his outstretched arm. 

the boy next to him chuckled, “how peculiar, you do think of rather odd topics from time to time,” the said boy leaned back, his arms supporting him. 

“the stars tell a different story,” he mumbles, the moon’s light reflecting off his uncovered eye. a cerulean eye curiously looking up at the sky, sparkling like a gem. 

“is that so?” he huffs. 

the blue haired boy stifles a snort, “don’t overthink it my dear. you’ll understand one day.” 

he frowns, brows knitting close, “perhaps one day, I will.” 

the wind howls quietly, breaking the silence between the two boys. the albino leans against the younger boy. 

“if only you were here to experience the suffering I go through just to see you from time to time.” 

the blunette chuckles once more. 

“let the stars guide you”

the albino blinked once— twice. realization dawning upon him once the blunette had escaped from his mind and reality had been distorting into his mindscape.


	2. loverboy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aka the modern au no one asked for

— ciel ; loverboy

they say your memory of love gets erased the moment you feel love for someone other than family. sounds pretty stupid but i think its real.doesn’t matter how young you are, your first love? memory gone. your second love? memory gone. 

i wonder why? 

the reason is all because of that damned person we’ll call our soulmate. finding your soulmate is a rare case especially in this world filled with so many people. so you can never fully settle down until you find the right one. some people who swear they cant have a soulmate try to make it work, but is it really worth all that effort to take a year to remember someone just to forget about them in the end? 

“are you ready?” he held his lover’s hands in a tight grip. his eyes watering already. he can feel the tears brimming his own. “you know i’d never forget you okay?” he whispered. 

he held chanyun closer to him, “i’ll love you forever. no matter what,” tears slid down his face, dampening the soft material of chanyun’s hoodie. 

time was slowly ticking by as they held each other in their last few moments. “will i really forget you?” chanyun’s eyes glazed over as he looked up at his lover

“i swear we’re meant to be, okay?” he kissed his hands in reassurance, holding chanyun’s hand closer to his heart. 

this didnt feel right. he didnt feel like the one. this all feels wrong. but why does his heart say something else? 

so many pointless thoughts were circling around in his head.

“chanyun.”

he looked up at him, fear evident in his eyes. 

“i lov-“

he couldnt finish his sentence.

it was already 12 am

it was january first.

chanyun let go of the hands of the man in front of him, “im sorry who are you?” he was scared. where was he? who’s house is this? who’s hoodie was he wearing? it sure isnt his.

he wiped the drying tears from his own cheeks, looking at the man across the room in confusion. he stared back at the albino with the same look of confusion on his face. “why are you in my house? dude get out-“ 

He shut the door as the other was speaking. He didnt wanna hear it. the whole situation felt so off. its the new year. but where is he? “i swear it was just yesterday that i was in nez’s dorm...” he whispers to himself. 

chanyun didnt know where he was. it was cold, probably around two thirty am by now. “why isnt he picking up?” he mumbles in annoyance. its been about the twelfth time hes called nez. 

“dude what the fuck do you want?” some background movement was heard but a groggy voice answered. 

“nez— dude you gotta help me,” he’s talking fast, in a panicked voice.

“what the— dude calm down. where are you?” 

“i- i dont know. im sitting at some bus stop right now, somewhere near my parents house i think?” hes tearing up. “i just wanna be back at the dorm and sleep.”

————

“you good now?” nezumi sits down next to chanyun handing him a carton of strawberry milk. 

he rests his chin atop his knees, hugging them closer to him. he takes the milk from the other mumbling a small thank you.

nezumi frowns, hes never seen his friend in such distress before, and over what though? he brings his own mug of hot chocolate to his lips, the steam fogging up his glasses.

its about four thirty now. the sun will probably rise in an hour at least. 

nezumi looks over at his friend, concern overwhelms him as he watches tears repeatedly come and go down chanyun’s face.

he sets his mug down before getting a hold of chanyun’s face in his hands. “what’s wrong?” he whispers, genuinely concerned for his friend.

he hiccups, once— twice, “i- i dont know. i just feel sad?” he replies as if a question. 

nezumi tries his best to wipe away chanyun’s tears, trying not to irritate the boy’s face with his calloused hands. “do you...” he hesitates

“do you wanna talk about it?”

his friend blinks blankly at him. “i- i don’t know. nez— man i- i don’t remember anything?” he laughs in disbelief. 

nezumi’s hands drop to his sides. he watches as his friend slowly breaks apart in front of him. chanyun continues to hiccup— as he whispers to himself. “i— i don’t remember” 

he laughs once again, more tears sliding down his face. he wipes them away quickly with his palms. “i- i don’t remember.” he looks at nezumi with the most confused face ever.

“chanyun—how about you get some sleep? its already almost five and you’ve been up all night—“ he tries to calm the older.

the albino shakes his head frantically, pulling at his sleeves, feeling uncomfortable as the seconds go by. “good idea.”

nezumi heads towards the bathroom, just entering the hallway before opening the door to his left, looking for spare blankets and pillows for chanyun to sleep on. 

“hey chanyun I got you some blankets,” nezumi walks back to the living room, the albino nowhere in sight, “chanyun?” he huffs in irritation, who knew where that idiot went now. 

leaving the previous said items on the couch, nezumi heads back to his room, assuming chanyun would find his way back to the couch. seeing his door slightly open, not that it was earlier, meant that chanyun had somehow managed to slip past him and into his room.

his irritation fading away as the said albino is curled up among his sheets, tears tracks drying down his face as he slept soundly. 

the boy smiled softly at the sight, sometimes it feels like he’s the older one between their friendship.

turning on his heel, a small chime interrupts his movement. a small light illuminates the room, nezumi’s attention now on the smartphone on sitting awkwardly between the bed and chanyun. 

curiousness blooms with nezumi. 

_ i shouldn’t right? _

deciding to not listen to his inner monologue, he makes his way across the room before picking up chanyun’s phone. an imessage notification is the first thing that appears. 

_ ciel : happy new year, let’s get food tomorrow, yeah?  _

a rabbit emoji followed the text

“huh?” nezumi whispers in confusion.

“who’s ciel?” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i might make this into multi-shots, don’t wanna write anything long


	3. goodbye

— ciel; goodbye

“hey? i thought you were gonna take your stuff.” he looked at the blunette in the doorway. he shrugged putting his hands in his pockets. 

“keep it.”

“but-“ he struggles as the box slowly slips from his grasp. frustrated, he sets the box on the bed before turning around— he was gonna yell at the other but—

he gave out a small sigh when the said boy wasn’t at the doorway anymore.

_ looks like he left. _

tsking he turns back to the box. curiosity eating at him to open the box. 

_ ‘he did say to keep it’  _

pulling the flaps of the box up, he peeks inside. it was so heavy but it hardly seemed like there was anything in it.

crumpled up papers were left on top, covering small trinkets and other things in the box.“trash?” he mumbles to himself before taking one and unfolding it.

there were a lot of scribbles here and there. hardly legible writing and some weird marks. 

_ he looked so pretty today _

_ i miss him so much w- _

the rest he couldnt read, making him frown in disappointment.

he put it down against the box and unfolded all the papers. each one having a strewn line of words targeted towards him.

_ it’ll be so hard to tell you this but i _

the rest of the page was partially burned

_ i’ll miss you so much okay? _

_ im sorry i didnt treat you the best _

“you did... idiot..” he scoffs.

_ we lasted pretty long huh?  _

_ i cant believe it _

tears welled up in his eyes as he pieced the lines together.

_ can’t believe im leaving my whole world. _

_ im leaving my soulmate _

_ im leaving the love of my life _

_ im.  _

_im leaving you._

parts of the paper were hard with dried tears

_ this was the best ride i’ve gone on  _

_ but all happy things come to an end right?  _

_ dont look so down on this _

_ i bet you’re probably crying now huh?  _

he wipes some tears away with his sleeve

_ i didn’t mean to make you cry sweet angel.  _

_ i wish by the time you’re reading this that i could wrap my arms around you  _

_ i probably left like the coward i am  _

_ i wish i could’ve told you this differently  _

_ i’d make this long _

_ you know, longer than all my essays combined _

_ but i’d rather cut it short than hurt you more with written words _

_ i love you so much it hurts, you’re the love of my life and soulmate _

_ but sometimes we have to say goodbye _

the rest was scribbled out.

_ ‘ goodbye’ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> shitty angst that no one asked for,, i hope i can get better at writing angst i’m not that confident in writing it seriously yet.


	4. to love, or to be loved

— ciel ; to love, or to be loved

it was a cold dreadful saturday night, december fourteenth to be precise, otherwise known as ciel’s birthday. 

shuri sighs in irritation, once again adjusting his collar for the fifth time this night. 

“is something troubling you, lord moon?” the dark-haired butler clad in black asks the albino with a closed-eye smile. 

“i’m okay.” he sighs, “thank you for asking.”

“how sure can you be when you’re lingering off in the shadows, instead of participating amongst the guests?” 

sebastian did have a point there, any onlooker could clearly tell that shuri was not having a fun night.

shuri hesitantly opened his mouth, before closing it. he had nothing to reply with. 

“maybe this will loosen you up a bit.” sebastian hands the albino a glass of champagne. thanking him, the said boy takes the glass from him, downing it in one go. 

“perhaps I will make an appearance by the dessert table.” shuri gives sebastian an awkward smile before walking away. 

worming his way through numerous nobles, shuri made his way towards the other side of the room. his eyes sparkling at the sight of pastries and what not. 

finally deciding on a small slice of strawberry sponge cake, shuri moans in delight as he takes a small bite. 

“enjoying yourself there, aren’t you?” a familiar voice chuckled within his proximity.

the albino jumped at the sudden intrusion, nearly dropping his cake. “a-ah, my lord!” a pink hue of embarrassment covers  his face, as he wipes his sleeve across his mouth, cringing as small hints of whipped cream make way on his clothing. “what can I do for you?” 

the blunette looks away in thought. 

“you’ve been absent throughout the whole night, i was just checking up on you.” 

shuri awkwardly laughs, “m-my lord, that is unnecessary. this is  _ your  _ party, you should be focusing on other things rather than me.” 

“you are one of my guests, it’s rather important for me to check up on my guests, is it not?” 

shuri’s blush deepens, this was embarrassing, this is exactly why he didn’t want to be noticed, he did not want to embarrass himself in front of  _ him _ .

“well, i- of course. a proper earl would attend to his guests.” 

he smirks at the albino’s response. before he could say anymore, a familiar blonde-haired girl with pigtails makes their appearance next to him. 

“ciel! don’t you think it’s time to sing you happy birthday?” she grips onto his arm, forcing her way into his personal space. 

ciel sighs in exasperation, quickly changing his attitude to accommodate to his betrothed. “of course, elizabeth.” 

ciel gives shuri a small nod before being dragged away by the said girl.

_ this is why shuri didn’t want to interact with him. he didn’t want his heart to hurt everytime that girl whisked away the one he loved so easily.  _

his smile losing itself into sorrow, slowly turning into a frown, shuri continues to eat his cake as guests all around avert their attention towards ciel. 

“my, my, lord moon, your affections towards the young lord will not be in vain. as the future will tell us a different story,” sebastian softly whispers. 

“i don’t think i’ll ever have a chance, for now i can only admire the lord from afar,” he mumbles in response. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> is this considered angst?? man i don’t know i just wanna show how my baby shuri is loving him from afar


	5. under the autumn leaves

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it’s been a while :,))   
> ive recently caught up on the manga for black butler and i’ve fallen in love all over again. i wrote this in hopes of getting better of writing but i’m really not enjoying it haha.

— ciel ; under the autumn leaves

considering shuri’s attitude, you wouldn’t expect his new fixation to be ciel phantomhive himself.

“ciel! you’re late.” shuri notes, crossing his arms, a little disappointed due to the few minutes he’s been kept waiting.

ciel sighs, bringing a hand up to his aching temple, “again, shuri, i apologize.” running a hand through his hair. “i got caught up in my work that i had forgotten how much time had gone by.” 

shuri shrugs, rolling his eyes before setting down the blanket, in preparation for their planned picnic. 

“shuri, sebastian can handle the blanket and such, come here for a moment.” ciel beckons him over with a hand. 

the said butler gently takes a hold of the blanket in shuri’s hands, giving him a close eyed smile, gently pushing him towards the blue haired boy.

he gave a small nod in reply, quickly dusting off his clothes and making his way towards ciel. 

a gloved hand meets soft skin, “how are you?” ciel asks, softly caressing the boy’s fingers. 

shuri’s chest warms up, blood rushing to his cheeks, he intertwines his fingers with gloved ones. 

“i’m okay, i missed your company.” 

this gains a small chuckle from ciel, “how cute.” 

the chuckle had felt like a silent rejection, the small remark indicating it wasn’t reciprocated. the voice inside of shuri’s head makes his chest ache a bit, but he pushes it aside. 

shuri pushes the negative thoughts aside, gently pulling at ciel’s hands, urging him to sit on the picnic blanket with him. 

“the weather is lovely these days, isn’t it?” shuri remarks, taking a small pastry from the assorted pastries laid out on the blanket.

“i suppose,” ciel briefly replies, taking a sip of his tea. 

the two sit in silence, the autumn breeze sweeping away the awkward tension between them. shuri leans back on his hands, enjoying the weather and ciel’s company.

with closed eyes and in thought, ciel hums quietly. “my mother loved this time of the year, she wanted a child in autumn.” shuri mentions, attempting to ease the tension.

ciel responses briefly. “is that so?” his usual stoic gaze focused on something in the distance.

“after the incident from a few years ago, she’s changed her mind about it though.” shuri mumbles, entranced by the leaves gently swaying in the wind.

“the incident?” ciel questions, focus now on the boy next to him.

shuri stares blankly ahead, past memories resurfacing and blurring within seconds. a few moments pass and silence once again settles between them.

ciel brings a hand towards shuri’s shoulder, shaking gently, awaiting an answer. shuri’s left hand hovers over ciel’s before he gently squeezes it. 

“i wouldn’t mull over it too much. it’s not that interesting, just something that’s changed my mother’s view on autumn.” shuri’s eyes glaze over for a moment.

“let’s just say, i’m glad to be born in the winter,” shuri smiles in an attempt to hide his discomfort. 

sensing the boy’s distress, ciel says no more of the topic. “for now let’s just enjoy the ambiance of being under the autumn leaves,” shuri closes his eyes appreciating ciel’s silence for once.


End file.
